The Weirdos of Vientiane and Around

One of the nicest things about travelling is meeting different people from all walks of life. We’ve met some great people so far, but sometimes the weirdos outweigh the normal people.

America’s Most Stupid Citizen

I have American friends who are well-read, intelligent and knowledgeable about the world outside of the USA, yet in the international community Americans have a reputation for being, well… stupid. This girl is the reason.

The girl, who we will call Colorado, was not only stupid, she was also convinced that she was the most interesting genius to ever walk the planet. She interrupted the conversation around our table constantly with her interjections of stupidity, most of them beginning “Well, in America…” She pointed out to us facts about her homeland are common knowledge to anyone who has ever read the newspaper or turned on a TV. She repeatedly missed the point of the conversation and loudly exclaimed about unrelated topics. To top it off she proudly serenaded us with her rendition of Fatboy Slim’s Funk, Soul Brother in which she erroneously sang “What’s your brother” at the top of her lungs.

Her boyfriend, despite being ten years my senior, was equally dim and perhaps even more boring. They were perfect for one another.

The Unhinged Spaniard

After three magic mushroom milkshakes, several beers and an unknown quantity of marijuana, it’s no wonder this man was frighteningly crazy. He garbled on in broken English, his wonky smile concealing whether or not his cryptic comments were intended to cause offence. After sometime I addressed him in Spanish and told him that nobody had a clue what he was on about. He promptly vacated our table and never to return.

The Frenchman and The Swede

Sitting at a road-side stall eating noodles we joined by Frenchman in a trilby, a tight shirt and trousers that came short of his ankles. He asked us questions that he had no interest in hearing the answers to. When finally he left us alone, he was almost immediately replaced by a middle aged Swedish man whose entire outfit was made up of Arsenal FC merchandise, everything from his watch to his key ring to his belt buckle. He regaled us, uninvited, with tales of his greatness; how he once fought a man in Cambodia and now he may never return because “they” are waiting for him; how he “saved” a girl’s life by forcing her to stay with his poor assistant. I soon zoned out of his altruistic monologue but had to interrupt him when he started adding sexism to his speech, bemoaning women for sitting on their backsides in a café and while their husbands trudge around to find a hotel. He clearly wasn’t expecting to be belittled by a woman and mumbled an apology before retreating on his Arsenal bicycle.

And The Rest

On top of the weirdos that force me to interact with them, there are also a fair share of kooks that we’ve spotted in and around the city: the shoeless man with a dreadlocked beard buying pencils from a minimart; the albino with a face full of piercing; the man outside our hotel who was twitching involuntarily whilst doing a goldfish impression with his mouth. Maybe it has something to do with the vast amount of psychedelic drugs widely available in Laos. Maybe I’m just judgemental.

And Finally

Among the crazies and the weirdos we found Aaron, a nice guy, a familiar face from Korea. We bumped into each other by chance in a bar in Vang Vieng, two years after meeting in Cheonan where we were both working. Isn’t it a small world.