The Lonely Island

I expected Koh Mak to be quiet - it is a small island and we're visiting during low season - but I was shocked when we were the only two tourists to get off the ferry at Ao Nid Pier! With no accommodation planned, we hung around at the pier for a while and were lucky to meet Nu, the manager of Monkey Island Resort. He gave us a lift to the resort and offered us a sea front room at half the usual price. Only later did we realise quite how lucky we had been; most of the resorts on the island are closed for the summer! We're the only guests staying at Money Island  Resort and I estimate we're probably two of about 10 tourists on the whole island. We literally have a tropical island to ourselves!

Our hut at Monkey Island.

The view from our beach hut.

There are no high rise buildings here, nothing taller than two floors. There's almost no traffic apart from a handful of scooters (that Ric will not be riding) and a couple of jeeps. There is no noise other than the sound of the waves and the birds. It may actually be paradise.

Where the island lacks people, it certainly doesn't lack animals. Each resort, restaurant and shop has a hoard of cats and dogs surrounding it and I can't tell whether they're pets or strays. One dog followed us home from the shop one evening and has faithfully stalked us ever since. We've named him Patch, (the same name we give to every dog we befriend), and he sleeps under our porch and comes to sit next to us wherever we go. Patch fell out of favour with Ric when we woke up to find our companion had chewed to pieces two of Ric's shoes. Two lefts ones as well, leaving him with two mismatched right feet!

We've mainly passed our time here reading, swimming and walking on the beach. Ric left me for three days to complete a PADI Diving Open Water Course with BB Divers which he really enjoyed, while I passed my time alone frying in the sun and trying to read Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Scuba Ric.

We hired bikes for a day and explored, finding the rest of the island even more deserted than our empty stretch of beach. We rode through forests of trees where each tree had a little bowl attached to collect the sap, we got stuck in muddy jungle paths, and had to push our poor bikes up steep dirt roads. I enjoyed our biking venture but I think my cycling-aficionado boyfriend was bit put-out at having to ride a girls' bike with a basket and no gears!

Since arriving I've discarded shoes, my watch and any clothing other than a bikini and sarong. We're so chilled out that we've started to lose the plot; I accidentally covered myself in deodorant instead of mosquito repellent one evening and the other day I caught Ric applying toothpaste to his shoulders instead of sun cream! 

We found a restaurant that was open and ate there twice a day until the chef got over-friendly and started sitting at our table and flirting with Ric. He smelled like stale alcohol and smoked at the table while we ate. One night at said restaurant, waiting for our food to arrive and fighting off the attentions of the uninhibited chef, I noticed that my lips were burning. I assumed I'd got mosquito repellent on them and sought to sooth them on the cool glass of my chilled beer. When the burning intensified I wiped my mouth with a napkin and was surprised to find some small red specks on the tissue. On closer inspection of the beer bottle, I found it to be completely covered in chili flakes! No wonder my lips were burning, I'd attempted to cool them with the source of my pain! I can only imagine that Ric's admirer had set the trap out of jealousy! Definitely my least favourite person on the island!

The worst thing about this island paradise is the biting bugs: mosquitos, sand flies, horse flies, fire ants... Ric and I look like we have chicken pox we have that many bites on our bodies! No amount of repellent can keep them all at bay and worst of all, the sand flies are small enough to fit through the holes in the netting of our mosquito net!

After a week at Monkey Island we moved into a hut at Ao Pong Resort, right next to the pier on the other side of the island. We fancied a change of scenery and the room was cheaper. Our new accommodation is a bit shabbier than Monkey Island and is literally crawling with wildlife! At night the beach comes alive with hermit crabs wobbling to and fro, giant butterflies with wings like black lace make me think I'm on the set of Jurassic Park, crickets sing us to sleep at night and in our bathroom the walls are striped with living lines of red ants. If that wasn't enough I almost had a heart attack when I discovered a monstrous spider hiding under the toilet seat! On the bright side, we do have company here; an eccentric Austrian film-maker who filmed me and Ric for an hour while we sat around chatting our usual nonsense.

As if to signal the time for our departure, the weather has taken a turn for the worse. Heavy rain and thunder storms set in and we've been left stranded in the resort's restaurant, eating and reading books until the sea is calm enough for us to head back to the mainland.