Thailand's Quietest Island

Whilst my parents left us to spend five nights on Phuket, Ric and I took a one hour flight to Hat Yai, on the Thai side of the Malaysia-Thailand border. As we left Kuala Lumpur we unknowingly bid farewell to the sun, as horizontal rain greeted us upon landing back in Thailand.

From Hat Yai we travelled three hours west to the port town of Pakbara where we spent a stormy night in a hotel misleadingly named Happy Guest House. Our neighbours for the night were a rowdy Thai family who took great pleasure in staring through our bedroom window and playing knock-a-door-run when we were trying to sleep.

As the rain persisted the next day we boarded a speed boat to Koh Bulon Leh, a tiny island off the west coast of southern Thailand.

I believe Koh Bulon Leh is one of the few Thai islands that have not been completely spoiled by tourism; there are no roads, no vehicles and electricity is supplied for just two hours a day from a generator. Fishing remains to be a major source of income for the inhabitants of this paradise island and the tourist accommodation is unimposing on the stunning landscape. You can walk from one end of the island to the other in just 20 minutes, along a narrow path through thick jungle.

We stayed at the School Bungalows, located as the name suggests, at the local primary school, just on the edge of the playing fields, 5m away from the beach.

The main beach is a long stretch of soft white sand that leads down to turquoise clear water, full of colourful fish and big crabs. There was plenty of room for the scattering of tourists to sunbathe without the beach feeling crowded.

On our final night before leaving the island we were drifting off to sleep in our rustic hut when somebody climbed onto our veranda and illuminated the room with a torch. The intruder turned out to be a middle aged German man with no concept of manners – he was sizing up our balcony for hanging his hammock the next morning. Banging on the wall and telling him we were sleeping didn’t put him off his inspection and Ric had to get out of bed, go outside and tell him to clear off. Unbelievably, the next day he turned up again at the crack of dawn and once again started inspecting our bungalow whilst we were still inside! My sarcastic comments of “you’re certainly concerned about this hammock” fell completely on deaf ears and he continued to lean over onto our veranda snooping around. Finally, when he asked if he could come inside and look at the table I lost my temper and told him to clear off. He’s a clear winner for the Weirdest Weirdo Award!

We Stayed At…

School Bungalows: 500baht (£10) per night, great location but overpriced considering the extent of their rustic charm.

How To Get To…

Koh Bulon Leh: Speed boat from Pakbara costs 400baht (£8) and takes 20-minutes. The speed boat stops offshore and you must take a longtail boat to the beach 50baht (£1) per person.

Pai: Hiking to Mae Yen Falls

We decided to hike to Mae Yen Waterfall as it is one of the few hikes that can be done out of Pai without the need to hire a bike or moped. It's a fair hike though, 9km from the town center to the falls.

We set off from Pai in the late morning after eating breakfast in the slowest restaurant in the whole of Pai, where plates were painstakingly cooked one at a time. A short walk out of town and the concrete path was soon replaced with a mud path that cut across the rice paddies at the foot of the mountains. At the end of the mud path is a parking area for those lazy souls who didn't walk the whole way, from here it's an adventurous 7km hike through thick jungle to reach the waterfall.

The path crisscrossed a stream for most of the 7km before climbing steeply up a slippery bank. It was a beautiful shaded walk under a thick canopy of jungle and we were privileged (and slightly alarmed) to spot a 2m copperhead rat snake slither into the river right in front of us.

Sliding down a steep muddy bank in flip flops, no problem.

The waterfall, although beautiful, was not the highlight of the trip. Unfortunately, instead of suggesting tourists carry their litter out of the jungle with them, two huge black bin bags sat overflowing with empty water bottles, food wrappers and decaying half eaten fruit. Where there is food, there are flies; the area around the waterfall was swarming with them. We took a quick refreshing dip in the small pool at the base of the falls before hotfooting it out of there away from the infestation.

Mae Yen Waterfall.

Just after setting off away from the waterfall we were alarmed to hear voices calling for help. Two Dutch girls had taken a wrong turn and wandered down the wrong side of the mountain. To us it was clear that the overgrown path they'd taken was not the way we'd come, but it served as a reminder for us to take care, especially as the sun had already dipped behind the mountains and we still had a 9km walk back to our hotel.

We emerged from the jungle just in time to see the sun set and walked back along the mud path in darkness. 

Hike Facts:

Total distance: 18km from Pai center. 14km if you drive to the end of the mud road.

Total time: 3 hours 15 minutes from town to the falls, going at a slow-medium pace.

Difficulty: low - only one steep climb of about 100m.

Footwear: as most of the time you will be walking in the stream, don't wear your best leather boots! Trainers or walking sandals are best, although Ric did it in flip flops as usual. 

Chiang Mai: White Water Rafting

About an hour and a half out of Chiang Mai is a lush mountain valley which I will refer to as Tourist Valley. I don't know the actual name of this area but it runs along the Mae Tang River.

Here you can do just about any and every activity offered by the tour agencies in Chiang Mai: trekking, bamboo rafting, quad biking, white water rafting, elephant trekking/riding/bathing/feeding, hill tribe visit, home stays, purpose-built village visits, zip-lining... It's like Disney World only there are dozens, if not hundreds, of different tour companies that operate in the valley. The valley has been completely transformed into a tourist zone, there's even a fake village where 'long necked' women sit around posing at looms waiting for visitors to come and take pictures of them. Another tourist pointed out that concentrating all these activities to one area is probably better for environment than having tourists run amok over a wider expanse of jungle.

Inevitably, with eight days in Chiang Mai and nothing much to occupy us, we found ourselves being transported by minibus to Tourist Valley.

We booked to go white water rafting with Chiang Mai Adventures. The trip promised grade four rapids; previously Ric and I have both rafted up to grade three rapids so we were excited by the prospect of a more exhilarating trip. It did not disappoint.

The rapids were great; throwing us into the air as we plunged down waterfalls, bouncing us up over rocks and soaking us with crashing waves of river water. The scenery was beautiful too; tropical jungle of both sides, we even saw an elephant crossing the river in front of us, close enough to touch.

The agency even provided photos for us: 

Cost: 1,200 Baht each (should have been 1,400 but we asked for a little discount). Includes: transport to and from hotel, lunch, safety talk, photos, experienced guide.

Chiang Mai: Siam Rice Cooking Class

Thai food is without a doubt some of the best in the world. Spicy, creamy and full or fresh crunchy veg, I never get tired of eating it. We've been planning to do Thai cooking class since the start of the trip and found some quality, cheap courses in Chiang Mai.

Ready to cook up a storm.

We started with a trip to the market where our guide-come-chef talked us through the piles of exotic herbs, spices and unusual vegetables. Then we arrived at Siem Rice, a quiet open air kitchen just outside the center of Chiang Mai.

We selected the dishes that we wanted to cook. Our chosen menu was as follows:

Starters:

Springrolls (Steph)

Spicy Papaya Salad (Ric)

Noodles:

Pad Ki Mao (Steph)

Pad Thai (Ric)

Soup:

Hot and creamy (Steph)

Hot and sour (Ric)

Curry:

Green curry (Steph)

Penang (Ric)

Stir Fry:

Chicken and cashew (Steph)

Chicken and ginger (Ric)

Dessert:

Mango, sticky rice and coconut milk (Ric)

Pumpkin in coconut milk (Steph)

Ready to be rolled springroll.

We were lucky to be in a small group; just me and Ric and a German couple: Jan and Marcia. The four of us got on great and enjoyed a leisurely day of cooking and lots of eating. 

Tucking into soups and noodles.

What I learned was that most Thai dishes have the same base: holy basil, chili, garlic, galangal (Asian ginger) and lemon grass. You add more chili to make it spicy, coconut milk to make it creamy or lime to make it sour. 

Things got a bit heated when it came to making my noodle dish, Pad Ki Mao, which translates as 'drunken noodles'. Thanks to Jan for the video.

The day included a lesson in the classical art of carrot carving. I'm glad to have mastered this life skill, it will surely increase my employability back home...

From left: Ric's disaster, the teacher's example, my interpretation.

It was a great day and we left with bags full of leftovers for breakfast the next day. We even got a certificate proclaiming our competence and a book with all the recipes we'd made.

Cost:
A full day cooking course (10am-3pm) cost 800Baht (£16) per person (should have been 900 but we got a cheeky discount). Includes: all ingredients, drinking water, tea and coffee, carrot carving, transport to and from hotel, market tour.

Chiang Mai: Loi Krathong Lantern Festival

The problem with Chiang Mai is that everyone we have met has raved about it; they loved the "hippy vibes", it was a "bohemian paradise"; so we arrived with high expectations.

What we found was that really, Chiang Mai is a big city with an unusually high percentage of vegetarian restaurants. As far as big cities go, it's a very nice one, but within the city there isn't really that much to see or do and the 'hippy vibes' are shrouded in pretension.

We arrived with the intention of staying for three weeks and volunteering somewhere. First we found that volunteering was a lot more difficult than we'd expected. Back in South America every hostel we stayed in had a wall full of posters advertising volunteer opportunities but here in Asia it's different. There are two types of organisation: the first are those affiliated with international volunteer recruiters that charge exorbitant fees to students for all inclusive "volunteer holidays", meaning that they're less inclined to welcome folk like us that rock up at the door with empty wallets and good intentions. The other kind are the serious organisations that require a minimum commitment of three, sometimes six months, and prefer 'skilled' volunteers that specialise in certain fields such as medicine, IT and so on. The moral of the story is: we tried to find somewhere to volunteer and failed.

Without anything meaningful to do in Chiang Mai we decided to move on after a week, but first we planned to celebrate the Loi Krathong lantern festival that happened to fall on my best friend Jenny's birthday. The festival comes at the end of the rainy season and has similar origins to the Lai Hua Fai lantern festival which we attended in Luang Prabang, Laos. Candles are lit to honour Buddha and the act of sending a wreath or float sailing down a river represents letting go of anger and negativity. 

Lanterns fill the river and to the skies.

We took to the bars to jointly celebrate Jen's birthday and the festival, starting with cocktails in Chiang Mai's seedy Night Bazaar. It took us quite a while to find a bar that wasn't full of dolled-up Thai ladies looking for some "company". Once we were suitably imbibed we walked through the night market stalls to the river where all hell was breaking loose. Fireworks were going off left, right and center, kids were pointing bottle rockets at each other, lanterns were floating, crashing and falling into the river all over, all the while traffic was still passing over the bridge - it was crazy fun. Someone thrust a handful of sparklers at us while another drunk tourists handed Ric a lit firework. British health and safety officials would have a field day. 

Enjoying the madness on the bridge.

We set off our own lantern with a birthday wish and watched the parade of elaborate floats file through the city. Atop the floats were local beauty queens on their way to be judged. 

Birthday lantern for Jen.

The festival lasted two days, during which there were concerts, fair ground rides and endless lanterns clogging up the sky. The festival here was much bigger than that in Luang Prabang and ten times more chaotic. Personally, I preferred the Laos version, which felt more intimate and traditional, although we did enjoy the excuse to get drunk and play with fireworks!

Chiang Mai: Cycling to Huay Teung Tao Lake

A friend of a friend recommended that we visit Huay Teung Lake for a peaceful day away from the crowds of tourists in Chiang Mai. It was lovely.

We rented bikes and cycled to the lake from Chiang Mai. The ride there wasn't particularly nice as we had to ride along a major highway, however; there was little traffic and the road followed a canal that had some shaded spots where we could pull into and rehydrate.

The lake is lined with bamboo huts that are served by restaurants. We ordered drinks to our hut and sat to eat our picnic before jumping into the merky water to cool down. It is possible to rent inner tubes of pedalos to take onto the lake too. Beyond the lake are the green slopes of Doi Suthep and Doi Inthanon mountains, the latter boasting Thailand's highest peak. 

Ric reading by the lake.

Even though we visited at weekend, supposedly the busiest time, the lake was peaceful and there wasn't another tourist in sight. Most of the huts were occupied by young Thai couples enjoying a quiet meal, although we had to move away from one group of drunk Thai friends who were playing guitar and singing horribly out of tune! 

Huay Teung Tao

We cycled the complete 5.1km loop around the lake before heading back into town along the highway. There are some hiking trails that leave from the lakeside for the very energetic visitor, but we were happy reading and swimming. It's one of the nicest places we visited during our week in Chiang Mai.

How To Get To...
Huay Teung Tao Lake: 

• Exit the old town on the west side to avoid getting caught up in the one way system that circles the old city walls (clockwise traffic goes outside of the moat, anticlockwise traffic goes on the inside of the moat.) 
• Take the main road that leaves from the north-west corner of the old town ring road (Route 1004). This is a very busy road.
• After approx. 2km take a right at the traffic lights onto Highway 121. This is a quiet road that runs along the canal. 
• After approx. 6km turn off the highway where you see a giant sign for the lake. 
• Follow the road, you'll reach a ticket booth where you pay a 20Baht entrance fee.

It's about 9km in total to get from the old town to the lake, easily ridable. The road climbs ever so slightly in the direction on the lake but there are no real hills. 

We Stayed At...

It's easy to visit the lake as a day trip and there are no hotels in the area. However, I believe it is possible to camp on the lakeside.

Bangkok Revisited

It was our fourth time in Bangkok and we decided to spend our time getting to know some of the areas we’ve previously neglected. We checked into a hotel in China Town, right next door to the hotel we stayed in on our very first visit.

We had three objectives for our two night stopover in the capital: visit the embassy for additional pages to be added to my full passport; visit the Grand Palace; and explore China Town.

As it turns out, British citizens aren’t entitled to extra pages and I’ll have to apply for a new passport instead. So that was crossed off the list easily.

Next was the Grand Palace, Bangkok’s biggest tourist attraction. For an extortionate ticket price of 500Baht (£10!) you get access to the Palace grounds (you unfortunately can’t go inside), the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, the textiles museum and an exhibition of old coins. We passed on the latter two subsidiary attractions; I feel they’re added on to the ticket to justify the high price. To put that price into context, Bangkok’s Palace is more expensive than the Taj Mahal (£8), the Great Wall of China (£4) and pretty much any other attraction in Thailand. It was even more than our hotel room.

We went to the Palace on our first trip to Thailand but were put off by the huge crowds and didn’t go inside. This time round the crowds were equally intimidating but we decided to bite the bullet and see what all the fuss is about. To cut a long story short, it was overcrowded, over priced and boring.

First of all, it wasn’t enough that I was wearing long trousers and had a shawl wrapped around my upper body. Ric wasn’t allowed to cover his exposed legs with a sarong because ‘they’re for ladies only’. In a country famous for its gender ambiguity, Ric was forbidden to wear a sarong. We queued to hire the Palace-issued appropriate clothing but didn’t have enough money for the deposit (it was 200Baht/£4 per item). The end result was that I had to wear the sarong, Ric had to wear my trousers and I had to cover my top half with a hideous polyester shirt that made me look like a dinner lady from the 70’s. We entered the Grand Palace looking and feeling ridiculous.

Unstylish, even by our standards.

We entered the complex, arriving first at the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, and the heavens opened. Every available sheltered space was suddenly packed with Asian tourists wearing matching tour group caps and badges, the occasional guide waving a flag and shouting to be heard above the crowd. It was hectic, cramped and annoying. I was grateful to be a head and shoulders taller than most of the other visitors as I at least had some breathing space. As in independent traveller I can’t think of anything worse than following 40 other people around all day, piling in and out of a tour bus and following a strict itinerary. I often wonder if the opposite is true; do these Chinese, Korean and Vietnamese busloads look at us and mock us with a our oversized backpacks, guide books and sweaty brows? We pushed our way through the coloured hats to peek inside at the sacred statue of the Emerald Buddha. The statue was discovered in 1434 and was originally covered in plaster. It was mistakenly named the Emerald Buddha by an abbot who noticed the plaster was flaking off to reveal a green stone. It is in fact made of jade.

Around the jade/Emerald Buddha there are many ornately decorated chedis (stupas), gold gilded paintings, carvings, and sculptures of elephants and mythical creatures. This was the most interesting part of the Palace.

Crowd outside the Emerald Buddha Temple.

The actual Royal Residence and throne halls are not spectacular, however; we did see the king in a totally random unrelated incident…

The morning we arrived in Bangkok we were wandering the streets in the early morning heat, tired from the overnight train, waiting to check into our hotel at midday. As we walked around the neighbourhood, half in a daze, we were stopped on a street corner by a soldier. He told us only to stop, we no explanation, and shouted at us when we attempted to continue our stroll. More people arrived and they too had to stop, as did all traffic. As the crowd grew the bystanders motioned for us to stand with our arms by our sides and the soldiers insisted we remove our sunglasses. Then somebody whispered “his highness, his highness”.  A few moments later we glimpsed a balding King Bhumibol Adulyadej speed past in a shiny cream BMW, surrounded by an impressive police convoy.

Last on our concise to-do list was China Town, an endlessly interesting and delicious area of Bangkok. Back in June we visited the gold Buddha at Wat Traimit and popped into China Town for some cheap eats at the night market; after sampling just a tiny portion of the food on offer we knew we had to go back and do some serious eating.  

By day China Town is a bustling market place where you can buy just about anything; from spectacles to sex toys, sunglasses to illegal weapons, iphone speakers to traditional Chinese medicine. The Thieves Market was once the place to go to buy back your possessions that had been stolen on the streets on Bangkok. Today, the sale of stolen goods is frowned upon and the Thieves Market is more what Ric and I call a Shit You (Don't) Need Shop. We love SYDN shops and have enjoyed browsing them around the world. All you need is a sheet of material or a piece of cardboard. You go to that drawer in the house where the whole family dumps the things that have no proper place. Every home has this drawer: batteries, celotape, odd stamps, a screwdriver, a packet of tissues, an old lipstick... random items. Then you arrange them in no particular order, on a sheet, on the floor. Voila, you have a SYDN shop. They're great places to browse and we usually end up buying something that we really don't need but might need, some day.

Monk browsing the SYDN shops; perhaps he'll impulse buy a second-hand saw along with that antique book of Buddhist chants?

In the evening China Town's streets are jammed with steaming food stalls: dim sum, noodle dishes, home-made ice cream, fruit, sea food, fried vegetables, and some more questionable dishes such as shark fin and birds nest soup.

Um, no thanks.

This lady has a huge bowl of our new favourite Thai dish, Khao Kha Moo, ham shank stew. Locals and tourists alike sit at a few plastic tables and stools to eat the melt-in-your-mouth pork, served in a rich soy gravy, with rice and chickpeas. 

Khao Kha Moo

Any other China Town specialty is peking duck and hoi sin gravy. We discovered a corner cafe right near our hotel that served this dish with rice for just 60Baht (£1.20) and we ate there at everyday. The sweetness of the sauce, the saltiness of the skin and the subtle flavors of the meat... I'm drooling just thinking about it. 

Peking duck, China Town.

I love China Town, it has so much character, so many hidden gems, so much food! We enjoyed many an afternoon wandering its narrow markets, its bright shiny shops and its endless food stalls. This was the highlight of our stay in Bangkok. China Town is much less touristy than the Khao San Road area and I'd definitely stay there again. 

Temple squeezed into a row of shops.

How To Get To...
The Grand Palace: The easiest way to get there is on one the river taxis; they're cheap fast and the views along the river are endlessly interesting. Just don't join one of the annoying tour groups!
We Stayed At...
S.K Boutique Hotel: $20/£12 for the cheapest room. Nicely decorated and great location but overpriced really. 

From Si Phan Don to Bangkok, 24 Hours On The Move

873km 

24 hours 

One boat, four songthaews*, one minivan, one train.

*A songthaew is a flatbed truck that has been converted into a bus. Benches and a roof are welded onto the back making it possible to transport 30 people in relative comfort, or 50 people in relative discomfort. Usually songthaews are piled high with people, livestock, sacks of rice, bicycles and anything else they can cram in. 

On our last day in Laos we woke at the crack of dawn to get an early start on our long trip to Bangkok. We shimmied down our last muddy bank and boarded our last narrow, long tail boat, saying goodbye to the 4,000 islands. We landed at Nakasang and walked through the town as it was coming to life in the early morning; people buying fresh fish next to the boat dock, vegetables laid out along the road, bicycles and motorbike zipping up and down. At the end of the town we boarded a songthaew and settled in for the three hour drive to Pakse.

As far as songthaews go, this one wasn't nearly as full as it could have been and we sped towards Pakse with the wind in our hair. At my feet was a humongous catfish, its gills still flapping, its mouth making silent O's as it gasped for its last breaths. The fish died long before we arrived in Pakse but its glassy, yellow eye stared at me accusingly the whole way.

Every now and then we'd stop and vendors from roadside street stalls would run down the road and climb into the songthaew; boarding us like pirates. Their wares were barbecued cockroaches skewered onto sticks, tiny roasted sparrows and bags full of chicken feet. Not my idea of road trip snacks.

We changed songthaews 15km outside of Pakse and then again at the morning market in the center of town and made it to the border.

The Vangtao (Laos) - Chong Mek (Thialand) border is a big one. To get to the immigration offices you first have to walk for about a kilometer through a narrow, covered market which serves as the perfect place to spend your left over currency. Duty free whiskey, cigarettes and electrical goods are your last sight of Laos before you reach the grand building that houses the Thai immigration desks.

A storm had been brewing as we prepared to depart from Laos and the sky was a menacing black flickered with the occasional flash of lightening. As we exited the building into Thailand the clouds parted momentarily to reveal a patch of clear blue sky and a dazzling sun, it was a symbolic welcome back to the land of smiles. 

Another symbolic icon welcoming us into the country was the green, orange and red glow of the 7 Eleven mini-market. 

Now I know that multinationals are the devil, that they are responsible for putting local shops out of business and generally bringing about the apocalypse through globalisation BUT, for me, the 7 Eleven represents a return to order, to civilisation. In Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia there are no brand shops, no mini-markets. You buy your toiletries, snacks and drinking water from markets where the products are arranged haphazardly on a stall and the prices depend on how lucky the vendor is feeling about ripping you off. Haggling is fun, some of the time, but there's nothing like walking into a blindingly bright 7 Eleven, the air-con set to freezing, and seeing everything neatly in its place. Best of all are the small white pieces of paper with black writing displaying the price. 

One thing multinational mini-markets are good for is changing large bank notes, so we popped in, did a celebratory lap of the isles and broke a 1,000Baht note with a couple of toasties and a chocolate bar. An unconventional first meal in Thailand.

A long walk down the road later and we boarded a minibus bound for Ubon Ratchathani, the closest city. I was very excited to be back in Thailand and I spent the 90 minute drive soaking up the strange familiar sights from the front seat of the van: tarmacked roads, painted lines to mark the lanes, traffic lights; and we were driving on the left! 

Another songthaew took us from Ubon bus station to the train station where we were in for some bad news. The train was almost full and we would have to spend the 12 hour over-night journey in third class, which meant hard upright seats that didn't recline. After a full day travelling we were tired, grumpy and sweaty. Our hair was standing stiffly on end from the dust off the roads and our shoulders ached from carrying our backpacks from bus to bus and through long border crossings. We'd hoped to get a bed on the train, maybe even splash out for a two berth, first class compartment. Instead we'd be sitting straight backed all night long. We were not happy. 

As it turns out, the third class trip wasn't that bad after all. As the seats were old and broken and kept falling off the frame I decided to remove mine and built myself a makeshift bed on the floor. Ignoring the cockroaches that crawled around me, I managed to get a half decent nights sleep and awoke to find the train creeping through the suburbs of Bangkok.

It's good to be back.

Reading a book about globalisation from my third class bed. The irony is not lost on me.

The Lonely Island

I expected Koh Mak to be quiet - it is a small island and we're visiting during low season - but I was shocked when we were the only two tourists to get off the ferry at Ao Nid Pier! With no accommodation planned, we hung around at the pier for a while and were lucky to meet Nu, the manager of Monkey Island Resort. He gave us a lift to the resort and offered us a sea front room at half the usual price. Only later did we realise quite how lucky we had been; most of the resorts on the island are closed for the summer! We're the only guests staying at Money Island  Resort and I estimate we're probably two of about 10 tourists on the whole island. We literally have a tropical island to ourselves!

Our hut at Monkey Island.

The view from our beach hut.

There are no high rise buildings here, nothing taller than two floors. There's almost no traffic apart from a handful of scooters (that Ric will not be riding) and a couple of jeeps. There is no noise other than the sound of the waves and the birds. It may actually be paradise.

Where the island lacks people, it certainly doesn't lack animals. Each resort, restaurant and shop has a hoard of cats and dogs surrounding it and I can't tell whether they're pets or strays. One dog followed us home from the shop one evening and has faithfully stalked us ever since. We've named him Patch, (the same name we give to every dog we befriend), and he sleeps under our porch and comes to sit next to us wherever we go. Patch fell out of favour with Ric when we woke up to find our companion had chewed to pieces two of Ric's shoes. Two lefts ones as well, leaving him with two mismatched right feet!

We've mainly passed our time here reading, swimming and walking on the beach. Ric left me for three days to complete a PADI Diving Open Water Course with BB Divers which he really enjoyed, while I passed my time alone frying in the sun and trying to read Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Scuba Ric.

We hired bikes for a day and explored, finding the rest of the island even more deserted than our empty stretch of beach. We rode through forests of trees where each tree had a little bowl attached to collect the sap, we got stuck in muddy jungle paths, and had to push our poor bikes up steep dirt roads. I enjoyed our biking venture but I think my cycling-aficionado boyfriend was bit put-out at having to ride a girls' bike with a basket and no gears!

Since arriving I've discarded shoes, my watch and any clothing other than a bikini and sarong. We're so chilled out that we've started to lose the plot; I accidentally covered myself in deodorant instead of mosquito repellent one evening and the other day I caught Ric applying toothpaste to his shoulders instead of sun cream! 

We found a restaurant that was open and ate there twice a day until the chef got over-friendly and started sitting at our table and flirting with Ric. He smelled like stale alcohol and smoked at the table while we ate. One night at said restaurant, waiting for our food to arrive and fighting off the attentions of the uninhibited chef, I noticed that my lips were burning. I assumed I'd got mosquito repellent on them and sought to sooth them on the cool glass of my chilled beer. When the burning intensified I wiped my mouth with a napkin and was surprised to find some small red specks on the tissue. On closer inspection of the beer bottle, I found it to be completely covered in chili flakes! No wonder my lips were burning, I'd attempted to cool them with the source of my pain! I can only imagine that Ric's admirer had set the trap out of jealousy! Definitely my least favourite person on the island!

The worst thing about this island paradise is the biting bugs: mosquitos, sand flies, horse flies, fire ants... Ric and I look like we have chicken pox we have that many bites on our bodies! No amount of repellent can keep them all at bay and worst of all, the sand flies are small enough to fit through the holes in the netting of our mosquito net!

After a week at Monkey Island we moved into a hut at Ao Pong Resort, right next to the pier on the other side of the island. We fancied a change of scenery and the room was cheaper. Our new accommodation is a bit shabbier than Monkey Island and is literally crawling with wildlife! At night the beach comes alive with hermit crabs wobbling to and fro, giant butterflies with wings like black lace make me think I'm on the set of Jurassic Park, crickets sing us to sleep at night and in our bathroom the walls are striped with living lines of red ants. If that wasn't enough I almost had a heart attack when I discovered a monstrous spider hiding under the toilet seat! On the bright side, we do have company here; an eccentric Austrian film-maker who filmed me and Ric for an hour while we sat around chatting our usual nonsense.

As if to signal the time for our departure, the weather has taken a turn for the worse. Heavy rain and thunder storms set in and we've been left stranded in the resort's restaurant, eating and reading books until the sea is calm enough for us to head back to the mainland. 

Toilet Troubles in Trat

From Bangkok we got a very fast minibus to Trat. I'm sure the driver was trying to break the land speed record: it took us five hours to get to Trat, it should have taken seven! 

Trat is a small town in south-east Thailand, a necessary stop for anyone heading into Cambodia, or like us, going to the Koh Chang Archipelago. There isn't much there other than a few guest houses and a really good market.

By day the market sells every type of household gadget and children's toy imaginable. By night it's a busy food market selling everything from yummy chocolate cakes to fried noodles to roast duck heads. We ate: octopus dough balls (Ric), sweet and sour pork and rice (Ric also had seafood), hoi sin soaked boiled eggs and a pancake topped with raisins, sugar, condensed milk and chocolate sauce.

Octopus dough balls at Trat's market.

Night market, Trat.

Accommodation was super cheap in Trat; £3 for a huge room and the food at the guest house was really good. However, contrary to the welcome message in the front of the menus, the owner was anything but warm and welcoming.

After visiting the evening market Ric and I sat in the restaurant playing cards when one of us had to go to the bathroom and blocked the toilet. As we were the only guests staying at the guest house, one of us decided to do the honest thing and confess to the owner the nature of our toilet troubles, so that we might clean it up. The "warm welcoming" owner scolded the guilty toilet blocker, saying that we must inform her when we are wanting to use the toilet (as you do!). She then turned to her friends, family and staff who were sat around her and translated the embarrassing incident to them in Thai. The owner and her entourage spent the remainder of the evening giving us filthy looks and expressing their disgust at our indecency. 

Luckily we didn't have to spend too long at the blocked loo guest house and the next day we caught a "fast and smooth high speed catarmaran" to Koh Mak, the smallest island in the archipelago. We were expecting to pay 550baht each for a taxi to the pier and the boat ticket, so imagine our delight when we discovered a special offer selling both for 300baht! Bargain!

Amazing Bangkok, Amazing House!

We finally made it to Thailand, home of the bum gun, gender ambiguity and my favourite kind of food. It may have taken us six months longer to get here than originally planned, but we're here, I'm excited to get back into some writing. 

Our Egypt Air flight was comparable to Ryanair. It sat on the tarmac for an hour and a half at Manchester Airport, leaving us with only 30 minutes to dash for our connection in Cairo. We flew to Bangkok where we stayed three nights in the ironically named 'Amazing House Guest House'. The only thing amazing about it was the price, at £5 per night.

I love Bangkok, in spite of its stifling humidity, for its distinct neighbourhoods that are so different to one another that you can feel like you're in a different city just by hopping across town in a taxi.

Bangkok, from the Chao Phraya River.

To get around we mainly used the river taxis that run up and down the Chao Phraya, at only 15Baht (30p) a time they're far cheaper than any tuk-tuk or meter taxi and it's a great way to see some of the sights along the river, such as Wat Arun, the Grand Palace and numerous other temples. There are four different lines that operate on the river, each with a different colour flag, we used only the orange boats as they seem to be the most frequent. 

River taxi.

We took a river taxi to China Town (Yaowarat), one of the city's oldest districts. Be warned that the boats don't hang around; you have to fight your way off during busy periods, else be stuck at the back and miss your stop - like we did! From the boat pier narrow winding streets lead past mechanic's work shops and heaps of engines to Wat Traimit. On the top level of the four tiered temple is a 5.5 tonne solid gold Buddha, the largest seated, solid gold Buddah in the world! (Entrance fee: 40baht, no short sleeves/short pants)

Solid gold Buddah at Wat Traimit

6% beer and duck noodles, mmmmm!

From the gold Buddah we crossed the road through China Gate to one of the cities most vibrant night markets. Both sides of the street were lined with food stalls, the pavements packed with groups of friends and families packed around plastic tables and chairs. It was so bustling that passers-by had to walk on the road. The market was a dizzying mix of bright lights, delicious smells and mystery foods. We settled on a bowl of hoi sin duck noodle soup from a stall conveniently set up outside a 7-Eleven shop, where we could get cold beers from inside and enjoy a blast of aircon every time the door opened! After that we had pork noodle soup - some of the nicest pork I've tasted, and finally finished with a scoop of home made tamarind ice cream. Most of the dished are priced between 30-50baht (60p-£1).

China Town food market.

Another famous Buddah of Bangkok is the 32m high gold-leafed statue at Wat Indraviharn, about 20 minutes walk north of backpacker central Khao San Road. We managed to get in for free as it's low season and the ticket office was closed! Outside the temple there are women selling tiny cages stuffed with birds, "Give freedom to the birds for good luck", and nearby there are similar women with plastic bags containing terrapins "Give freedom to the turtles for good luck". It's hard to know which is worse, paying the £2 to set the animals free and financing the cruel trade, or not buying them and allowing them suffer on.

Signs indicated that we should leave offerings of "eggs, flowers and fish of the mackerel kind" at the feet of the giant Buddah.

Big Budddah at Wat Indraviharn.

The clouds cleared on the day we visited Wat Arun, and the temperature reached a scorching 40 degrees. We used the river taxi again to get to the temple and paid the 50baht entrance fee. I'd come prepared with my sarong to cover my exposed legs but that wasn't enough for the prudey guard who insisted I cover my shoulders too. Unprepared to hire a scarf, I not-so-discretely whipped off my skirt from under my sarong and used it as a shawl. I don't know if the guard was amused, impressed or offended at my resourceful technique but he let me in with a sly smirk. The temple is really beautiful, decorated with a porcelain mosaic and depictions of the Buddah. We climbed the very steep stairs up to the top and enjoyed the beautiful view.

Wat Arun.

Looking north from Wat Arun.

Once the sun had started to sink behind the sky scrapers we venture out again to the Siam district where my parents will be staying in the New Year. Siam is the modern, expensive area of town where we cooled off in air conditioned shopping malls and felt drastically under dressed compared to the city's upper classes. On the streets surrounding Central World shopping centre we found a Korean market!  We felt strangely at home surrounded by Korean food stalls, clothing and make up.

Siam district from outside Central World.